Lunch: the mission


I am not a foodie. When I say “Hey, I don’t mind what we eat,” I actually mean it. I do not go out every Saturday morning looking for the Next Big Thing in brunches. The most complex meal I cook is lasagne, and that’s only if I ever cook. My point is, if I could eat nothing but custard powder and peanut butter and not have it kill me, I would totally eat nothing but custard powder and peanut butter. It’d allow the parts of my brain that think about food to think about cooler stuff like rocket ships and world domination.


Anyway, I’m laughably unqualified to write a blog reviewing the food options at Agfest because the idea of making food choices brings me out in hives. But apparently it would be funny for others to have me try.


So I did my research (I asked around where the most food could be found with the least effort). I went when I wasn’t too hungry so I wouldn’t just pick the first thing and scoff that down and be done with it. And I went with a colleague who could point me in the right direction.


And I made a horrible mistake.


I headed into the Betta Milk Pavilion (which has a whopping 34 food stalls) right on midday, which apparently is the same time that everybody else at Agfest goes to the Betta Pavilion to get their lunch. Everywhere around me people moved into long lines, secure in the knowledge of what they were going to eat, whether that be ice-cream (dessert first! Daring!) or steak sandwiches or fish and chips or burritos or Turkish food or churros or potato spirals.


To someone who avoids making choices, it was just too much to be asked to choose, and I fled back to the Agfest News reporter’s cave in disgrace, tummy beginning to rumble. I ate a chocolate and regrouped. I could do this. I could make a decision on food and come up with an opinion on it!


So I went back later in the afternoon. By this time I was ravenous. The grumbling tummy had turned into a queasy hollow and I had to make a choice. So I did the logical thing: I jumped in the longest line I could find. Think about it. If a bunch of other people want it, it must be good*, right?


I ended up in the jacket potato line, which is pretty appropriate, considering the slightly windy conditions outdoors. If the weather turned bad, I could always wear the potato for warmth. Try doing that with ice-cream, dessert eaters.


The nice lady at the counter smashed up my spud, smeared it with butter and garlic, sprinkled on some bacon, cheese and salady bits (is it coleslaw without the dressing?) and heaped a generous dollop of sour cream on top of the whole thing. I can’t say that it was a pretty dish, or that it wasn’t in a cardboard box. 


But it was a revelation nonetheless. I have never eaten something so delicious in all its crunchy, soft, cheesy goodness. I gobbled the whole thing down on my lap because the Pavilion was still packed to the gills and I gave the side-eye to anyone who looked like they might take my precious potato away from me. They didn’t.


So, my final review into the food options at Agfest: you literally can’t go wrong. If you want dessert for lunch (you maniac), you can have it. If you want a steak sandwich, you have your pick of the bunch. If you want to close your eyes, spin in a circle, and buy the first thing that you see when you open your eyes? I reckon that’d be a decent strategy, too. Or you can take my advice and get Nature’s Perfect Food, the jacket potato.


I know what I’d eat for the rest of my life now. 


*Does not apply to popular music

Nature's perfect food.